Out jokes

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.

Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.

CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.

Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.

Who crashed the plane?

1. Abu Faram? - terrorist

2. The little kid Joseph?

3. The passed out pilot?

Or Jamal?

The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.

He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.

God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.

Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD

If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

What do you call a reverse exorcism?

It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?

A blender.

How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

I just found out I'm colorblind!

The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!

Why did the clock out the library?

It tocked too much!