Out jokes
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.
If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.
You're so fat, when you wear a yellow raincoat, people call out, "TAXI!"
Memes
Yo mom's so old, she went into the museum and walked out with a raise.
When the feminists find out that it's humanity, not huwomanity.
What did one twin say to the other?
"Watch out for the plane!"
In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?
None, both carpet munchers eat out.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.
What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?
Any ideas?
SHIT!!!!
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.