How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
Off Jokes
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
Why did Michael Jackson go to Walmart? Because he heard boys' pants were half off!
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:
A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.
B. That men are actually treated unequally.
SO
we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
Why did little Susie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms or legs.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Susie.
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
