Novel jokes

I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.

I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.

What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!

Who read the most words?

911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.

Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.

Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.

Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.

What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?

One has papers.

Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!

Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!

Will: Yey!

Beverly: What should we bring him?

Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!

I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.