No one jokes

Why is September 11th an awesome birthday to have?

Because no one forgets it! :)

Why don't orphans play tag?

Because there's no one to catch.

Why are orphans bad at basketball?

Because no one is there for them to pass [the ball].

Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.

Kid: Imagine being an orphan!

Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*

Kid: WAIT, WHAT!

Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.

What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.

"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!

Why are orphans good at dodge ball?

Because no one misses them.

There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

Yo mamma's so fat no one was laughing, but the ground was cracking up.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.

One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.

No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.

His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.

No one.

Absolutely no one.

The History Channel at 11:00 PM: Who really killed JFK?

The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing.

What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.

What do orphans do after they win a game?

Nothing, they have no one to play games with.