Newest Nice Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with.

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.

if I told u, u had a nice body would u hold it against me.

my mom told me to make my dad smile and she will give me $100, so i said ''the cowboys are gonna win the superbowl'' he smiled but my mom didn't give it to me, anyways i forgot about my package coming and the mailman came and i said ''i like your hat teal looks nice on you'' and he smiled and my mom gave me $100.

I was in Russia at a stand up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice though

I love Steven hawking jokes so much because that roll of the tongue so nicely.

The reason I love Steven hawking is because thay roll of the tongue so nicely

What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party? “Nice spread!”

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

Person 1:Yassin has sex with a piece of sex Person 2: nice, can I have some of your balls

Me: Hey how are you? Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3 Insomnia: Mommy can we get a home? Anxiety: Insomnia wait for mommy to finish. Depression: Anyway here is my resume! Me: Okie thank you, Ok... mhmmm.. WOW! Okie this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it..) Depression: Also I have 2 more friends that want to move in too! Me: Ok and there names? Depression: There names are: PTSD and Trauma! Me: Ok they seem fine (Doesn't know about them) Depression: Okie here is the money (a penny :() Thank you we will call you if we need anything. Me: Ok see you soon! :3 Me now hates my life. :)

Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

People tell me to be nice to orphans so I say what are they gonna do tell their parents

"Hey kid why are you so fat" "Why did you insult him thats not nice" "It wont matter hes def"

Bully : shut up and give me your money otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin Boy : haha I am not a virgin anymore Bully : haha nice joke Boy : if you don't believe then ask your sister or brother Bully : hah I don't have any sibling Boy : will just wait for 9 months then u will know

One erection would be a very nice name for a gay band.

So In Prep class, The students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for grandparents day. Little Johnny's friend Little Sally write things like “thankyou” and “You are so nice!” And Little Johnny goes, “What are you doing you got it wrong!” So sally says, “What do you mean, it’s a letter.” Little Johnny says, “Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the Teacher said!” Then he says, “I wrote a J to remind them of me!”