Worst Jokes Ever

A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.

"What's she like?" he asked the boy.

"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.

He asks the boy, "What's she like?"

The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

I'M SHORTTT!

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

Why can't orphans say "mommy: me?" Because the fosters said no.

What does a pickle look like a p*nis?

What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.

Why don't orphans have phones?

Because they have no home buttons.

What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?

Standing Tall.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on a dollar, four quarters pop out.

Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.