Need

Need Jokes

Oregon

Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?

Because they need parents' signature.

Nail

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture.

Ketchup

The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"

Rhyme

Jack and Jill went up a hill

To pick some dill.

Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,

And he needed a painkiller pill.

Visa

I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.

The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫

Penaldo

Official Dj Penaldo playlist.

1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"

Orphan

Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.

Food

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

Misunderstanding

One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!!

Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!

So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."

I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'

I don't need this shit!

Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.

Stroke

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

Entity

"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"

"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."

"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."

Face

You got the whole crowd of people laughing when looking at you.

That face needing some laughing pills.

Vampire

A vampire goes to the bakery.

Vampire: "One bun, please."

Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

Blowjob

What’s the best thing about midgets??

They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.

Hoe

What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

Orphan

Why can't an orphan go to school? He needs a parent admission form to get in.

People

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!

Account

I wish I could follow you, though.

But you need an account so I could follow you, but you don't have one. :'(