Mouse jokes

The clock struck one!

Then down did come!

Hickory dickory doc

What am I?

Random- a mouse?

Me- no dumb shit!

Random- what is it?

Me- the guillotine!

What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.

A mouse is just like a ball bearing.

Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.

Two female mice met and one spoke:

"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."

Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."

"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"

Friend: Eric, spell mouse.

Eric: M O U S.

Friend: Yes - But what's on the end of it?

Have a sink in your house? Eat it.

Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.

Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.

...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4

Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.

A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.

Why are elephants scared of computers?

Because of the mouse.

The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

What can a mouse do?

He clicks.

The early bird might get the worm...

But the second mouse gets the cheese.