Monkey Jokes

three scientists are doing an experiment, they are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephants ass. in the lab they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. the monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass and the scientists wait three weeks.

the monkey pulls out the cork and all three scientists go back and discus what they saw. the first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown then it all went black, the second, standing two miles away, said the same, the third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.

Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share a amazon account?They where prime mates

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

monky

why did the zookeeper lose his job? for choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

There are three men walking down the road and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm there is a cow a monkey and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money and the farm is going out of business. One of the men's sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest but it's so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them in suggested that they put a cork up the cows behind. The first guy says okay then go put a cork there. I don't want to do it you do it no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it. And the monkey puts the cork in the couch behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm. The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of cow. Guys we need to take the cork out of the cow he says. Well I'm not going to do it you do it, no you do it. The third guy says let's just get the monkey to do it again. So the monkey uncorks a cow. And there was a huge explosion.... a few days later the three men wake up in the hospital. The doctor walks up to the first man what happened he asks the first man replies all I remember is that a horrible sound. The doctor walks up to the second man and asks what happened. All I remember is that horrible smell.... The doctor walks up to the third man and again ask the same question. The third man looks at him and says all I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Monkey:What ya doing Other monkey:Just you know "Hanging around"

Bad joke right i just can't think of something amazing it's like my brain is "Hanging"

What is monkeys favorite position? Donkey Kong

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar. An hour or so goes, then the new flame says, I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice,food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there? His friend ok, Watch this. He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool,pulls down his zipper and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin,cleaned himpulled up his zipper then jumped to his chair. Walked back to his new gay friend and said what do you think of that? MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that! His squeeze said wanna give it a try? I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey. how's that?

why did the monkey fall out of the tree he was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree he was also dead why did the third monkey fall out of the tree monkey see monkey do why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree he was stapled to the first one

What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to? - The Monkees and Gorillaz

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.