Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
I lost my bag. :(
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.
Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.
Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?
..... She had cancer.... ;)
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
We have been cursed by curse-ive.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
