Misfortune jokes
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?
Optimistic.
Why are you an orphan? Loser...
UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.
What did the blind deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.
They never get old.
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
A kid with hallucinations and cancer is on a Jeopardy game show.
"What's behind curtain #1... YOU HAVE WON..... CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What did the orphan say to the crippled man?
I suffer from crippling depression.
Orphans are depressed, hahaha.