Method jokes
Method Man: Yo what’s crackin’?
ODB: Yep
I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.
What's the best way to find the Twin Towers?
Bucket.
How do you clean the ocean?
With tide!
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds?
They asked a bunch of kids with Down syndrome to film a documentary.
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.
How did Hitler tie his tiny little shoesies?
With tiny little Nazis.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
How do birds pay? With their bills!
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.