New Marine Life Jokes

What is Hitler's least favorite fish?

Jewfish.

Why did the Octopus go down the toilet?

Because he had a toilet call in the drain.

What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?

They shellabrated their mommy.

What did the seal say to the shark?

"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

Things we all do:

Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣

I do this too often!

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.

Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?

Random guy: Why?

Me: Because you look like a whale.

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...