Lunch

Lunch Jokes

sso i was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids table i stood up and i threw a opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled. "25 kill streak" 🤣😂

Why did the 2 4s skip lunch they already 8 jahshshs and how did the pirate new that she saw land she was sure of it if u get it leave a like Hahahahaha and which thing was heaver a feather or steal its they way the same amount 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 Lol like

True story in 1986in the midst of the HIV epidemic they made condoms.available to the public at that time me and my boyfriend were 13 years old my boyfriend was so happy these will make great water balloons and I was even happier I did not have to pack.a.lunch for school tomorrow lol

37. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!" Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time".

38. An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold." His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?" The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

39. A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?" The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes!" "Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Didn't know how fast you could walk".

40. A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?" Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him." Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason." Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?" The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?"

Three men are working on a building site.

Everyday, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.

The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.

“By god,” the man exclaims, “I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years, and everyday, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building and kill myself.”

The second man opens his lunchbox, revealing a cheese sandwich.

“Holy crow, another cheese sandwich! I hate these things, I tell you. Everyday, I tell my wife how much I despise cheese sandwiches, but I still get them in my lunch. I’m with you buddy—if I ever get a cheese sandwich in my lunch again, I’m killing myself.”

The third man, having opened his lunchbox, now pipes in.

“I don’t believe it—another tuna sandwich! If I had a penny for every time I’ve told my wife how much I hate these, I wouldn’t have to work on this sordid site no more! I’m sick of it—count me in, if I get a tuna sandwich in my lunchbox again, I’m killing myself.”

The next day, the three men regroup at the top of the building and open their lunchboxes: the first man – a ham sandwich, the second – a cheese sandwich, the third – a tuna sandwich.

The three men exchange solemn looks before jumping in unison from the height of the building.

At the funeral for the three men, their grieving wives turn to each other.

“If only I’d known how much he didn’t like ham sandwiches,” says the first man’s wife, “I always thought he was being ironic!”

“And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like cheese sandwiches,” says the second man’s wife, “I always thought he was being sarcastic!”

“And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like tuna sandwiches,” says the third man’s wife, “but I don’t know what good it would have done—the fool made his own lunch!”

Peyton: Okay guys no talking about dumb and stupid things that are not important. Ysabella: No!!! Peyton: Oh SHUT YOUR FACE THE HECK UP! Navaya: That makes no sense. Isaiah: I know right. Kenya: You don't tell us what to do you control freak. Ysabella: Shush. Kenya: BLAH! Peyton: Now we shall be watching some amazing things on You-tube, Subject math. aka BORING!!!! Andre: Say how old are you? Kenya: What? Andre: I'm asking her how old she is. Peyton: Thats none of your beeswax. Andre: Okay then. 9 hours later. Peyton: Okay class time for science!!! Kenya: Okay what are we doi... Peyton: SHUSH!!! Ysabella: shush. Peyton: We aren't doing anything but playing around with all this STUFF!!! heheheheehe. Navaya: No thanks. Peyton: Yes thanks! Mariah: Why? Oh for science. Peyton: Shut your mouth and watch me do this science work!!!

10 hours later. Peyton: What else? Ysabella: Will we can play games since thats all we have! Peyton: WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND BY Shuting YOUR MOUTH UPPPP!?!?!?! HMMMMMMMM? Ysabella: Sorry! Peyton: Then act like it! Kenya: Shush! Peyton: Shush! Andre: Shush. Shush! Mariah: Andre? Andre: Shush!

1 hour later. Peyton: Well we have a lot of E.L.A work to do. Ysabella: Sweetie this is Math and Science class! Not the other classes. Peyton mocking Ysa: Sweetie this is Math and Science class. Not the other classes. I know things! Andre: Then act like you know things. Kenya: True. Oliver: True that. Peyton: SHUT IT!!! Oliver: No! Geez.

2 hours later. clock time (7:00) Peyton: Whooohooo we got our E L A done now time for- Ysabella: I going to stop you right there! We have been working all morning from 5:00 a.m to this o clock a.m! Sooo KNOCK IT OFF!! Andre: Yes, thank you Ysabella you are now at the top of my friend list! Ysabella: What? Whatever! Peyton: Fine, go somwere else and whine about it cause I idc! Kingston: What does that mean, ohhhhhh. Peyton: Idc. Ysabe: IDC what does that mean? Kingston: "I don't care".

3 hours has passed now turned and it turned to 8:00 a.m. Peyton: What do guys want to do? Ysabella: Play games. Kingston: Draw! Andre: Go home! Peyton: Please. Well I'm picking so haha. Kenya: Here it says that we can pick the things we want to do it just can't be harmfull or bad for us! Oliver: Really it says that? Kenya: Yeah right here. Oliver: Noice. Peyton: Oh go play! Kenya: Good, byeeee! Oliver: Peace!

1 hour later. Ysabella: Woohoo, okay yes. Kingston: Whats going over there? Navaya: I don't know... oh she's playing a game! I think thats interland wow she is on level 78. super cool! Kingston: She on what? Navaya: Shush, shush, shush, shush! Kingston: RUDE!! Ysabella: Whoooohooooooooooooooo!!!! Navaya: Yeah go ysa! Kingston: What is she doing- Navaya: SHUSH!!!! Kingston: WhAtEvEr!!!!! Navaya: Oliver, Mariah, Kenya! Ysa just made it to level 89!!!! Yeeeeeee!! Oliver: Cool. Mariah: ?. Kenya:?

1 hour later. still 8:00. Ysabella: I'm on level 89,000,890. WOW!!!! Kenya: How? Kingston: MOVE!!! Kenya: OWWW!!! Kingston: Sorry Uh I did not mean to do that, are you okay? Kenya: What do you think? Navaya: Guys stop hugging, and get over here. Kenya: Gross! Kingston: Dude? Braylon: Guys shut up!! Kenya and Kingston: WE GOT IT!!! Ysabella: Your on level 90,890,9795, 4839,86903,6960,6 9506.996 WOOOOOOOOW!!! Kenya: Thats a lot of numbers!! Kingston: SuRe is!

2 hours later, 9:09 a.m, Peyton: Okay GUYS THATS ENOUGH GAMES FOR RIGHT NOW! Leilani: Why Ysa so close to her winning streak of reaching 900.138.902 milion billion points and levels on Interland!! Yeeeey.Peyton: Wow, great, cool, amazing!! Who CARES!!!! I KNOW I DON'T!!! Leilani: Yeah thats cause your heartless person! Who agrees? All the class raised their hands. Peyton: Blah! Leilani: WHATEVER! Peyton: Anyway the boss said that she wants us to do social studies. Who likes too I know I don't. 5 hours later 10:10 a.m, Peyton: Okay let's see I'm reading from the passage " The great plains experienced a drought from 1932 to 1939. This nat- Madison: The answer is dust bowl! Thats the answer... we did this in class and turned all our work in so yall know yeah, end of the story. Peyton: Will what about Kenya? Kenya: I did it. Mariah: We all did it! Andre: Did you do it? Peyton: Of course I did the social studies work! Duh I'm not an idiot. Andre: Well sure, thats what you think!

Peyton: Okay guys what shall it be for lunch? Any choices cause this is a one time thing no seconds. Raymond: Uh tacos. Kingston: Wrong! Pizza! Raymond: It's not Friday! Ysabella: Guys stop, this is a one time thing no second chances. They choose Pizza and Tacos. Kingston: Whateves. Raymond: No! Peyton: Okay fine I'll chose... and we will have Pizza and tacos with soda PLEASE and thanks. Raymond: Will thats not bad but I DON'T LIKE PIZZA!!! Navaya:Shut up raymond your going to ruin this for us!

1 hour later. Peyton: Okay guys, now lets get back to work!! NOW! Kenya: No, we already did our work! Peyton: Sure you did! Peyton rolls her eyes. Navaya: Did you do all your work Miss.Hickman? Hmmm. Ysabella: Yes, answer that question! Hehehehehe. Peyton: Heheh hell. Kingston: OOOOOOOOO you said the H word! Peyton: K so? Kenya: Here it states "No kids shall use bad words also known as profanity in the school halls and inside the classrooom". Kingston: Dang, wow! Kenya: Thanks!! 2 hours later. Peyton: Attention everyone! Attention! Janiah: What is it now! Kenya: Yeah. David: Yes Ms. Hickman? What, I have manners. Alexis: WHAT!? Peyton: Thanks for the loud attention! Okay thats the past now who wants to learn spanish? Janiah: Why? Not that thats a bad thing but why... WHY WOULD WE WANT TO LEARN SPANISH?! Kenya: Many reasons so we can began a big way to not having to go to spanish classes and other nonsense! Peyton: Sure that too and plus we're all bored right? Right!

56 mins later. Peyton: So how do you say Hello in spanish? Kingston. Kingston: Hola, duh everyone knows that! Oliver: I don't, so thanks King thanks! Peyton: How do you say "Hello, how are you" in spanish? Ysabella: Hola, como estas? Boom did it! I got an A! Kenya: Good job! Ysabella: Gracias. Peyton: Wow, way to show off. how do you... Kenya: How do you say "This is stupid" in spanish oh wait "Esto es estupido" trust me I looked it up!! Alexis: Wow!!! did you use translate? Kenya: Si

55 mins later. Peyton: How do you say "Everyone in here is acting like jerks and morons, they won't stop interrupting me and won't SHUT THEIR faces like I asked them too do multiple times" anyone? Nevaeh Daniels raised her hand, go on Nev! Nevaeh: Todos aquí están actuando como idiotas y Imbécil, no dejarán de interrumpirme y no CERRARÁN SUS caras como les pedí que lo hicieran varias veces? Peyton: Yes!!! But I meant that as a sarcastic type of way! Kenya: Okay freee time!!! Everyone cheers!!! To be continued.... This is about a 11 year old girl in charge in her classroom and spending the rest of the week with annoying classmates.

4 hours later. Kingston: Will we finally got away from that witch! Jaden: Thank you universe! Madison: Wait do you mean witch as in Peyton? Kingston: Yes! Kenya: Red lipstick, Red lipstick, Red lipstick! Kingston: Red lipstick? Mariah: Yes we chose red lipstick is that a ding dang problem?! Kingston: No ma'am. Kenya: Peyton, guys RED LIPSTICK!! Do I have to say it in spanish? Kingston: Guys Pey is on the way hurry...why? Cause she's looking for us DUMMY! Oliver: Okay ready. Geex. 1 hour later 7:00 p.m. Peyton in creepy way: Hey guys! Were are you! Kenya: Few more minutes! Ysabella: Peyton really has gone crazy!!! Kenya: Yeah shut up real quick! is it in position? Kingston: Sooooon. Kenya: Hury up you ding dang nitwit! Kingston: Blah! Kamrieiana: How is the dieinc? HOW ARE THEY?! Cornelese: There in place and don't spit in my face please. Kamrieiana: Sorry... HURRY UP MAN!!!! Jovani: HURRY Up DUDE!! Cornelese :O SHUT UP JOVANI!!!! Kenya: Hurry!!!

The next morning it was Tuesday, Peyton walked in the classroom feeling kind of mad at her classmates or co-workers. Peyton: Ugh! Stupid teachers!!!!! Leaving me in charge of the dumb class!!!! Jrks I mean JERKS!!!! Aniyah: O DANG It WHY THIS CLASSROOM!!!!!! Peyton: Blah! Aniyah: What? Peyton rolls her eyes at Aniyah. Aniyah: Keep rolling your eyes or they will get stuck up there!! Jarryd and Ethan walk in. Jarryd: O will hello Peyton! Ethan: Yes Hello.

2 mins ago. Kenya, Dijohn, Oliver, Osiris, Nevaeh, Mariah and Madison aka sisters came in. Kenya: Why this idiot? Oliver: Kenya that is mean but true at the same time. Osiris: Gotdang it I hate Peyton- Sometimes. Dijohn: I hate school and Pey too! Nevaeh: I like Pey she is nice. Kenya: Have you even met her?! Mariah: Hey guys listen I don't care about "Pey" I just came here to learn... Okay... now move Ken I got to work! Kenya: I don't blame you, excuse me!

4 minutes earlier. Dreylan, Janiah, Ji'Kyece, Laura, Braylon and Leilani both arrived TARDY. Dreylan: No, I prayed that she would not be here... PRAYED!!! Janiah: You prayed, I PRAYED 23 Times!! Ji'Kyece: Me, 45. Laura: Enough! Save that for if its really important! Braylon: And this is not Important!? Leilani: You guys are acting 2 year olds... 2 YEAR OLDS!!!! lets just find our seats... I mean come on, we did all of our work yesterday today will just be fun and games!! Laura: Yeah!!!

3 mins later. David, Ysabella, Kingston, Jazzlyn, Dylan,Tre'von and Jarod came in the classroom. David: Whyyyyyyyyyy! Ysabella: It should be time for Ms.Sumrall and Mrs.Lewis to get back from their stupid Teacher Trip! Kingston: Exactly! Jazzlyn: What are you guys so pissed off about? Dylan: oooooooo....oooooooo....ooooo!!! Tre'von: You said the P word! Jarod: Yeah We telln you momi! Ha...Ha...ha...ha...ha..ha...haeha! Jazzlen mama is goin to be so Mad! Jazzlen: Oh shut up witch face!!!!!!! 23 minutes later. Raymond,Y'uree, Elijah, Jessica and Bryson arrived TARDY As WELL As TARDY. Raymond: Nooooooooo! Y'uree: Yesssssss! Y'uree said yes in a sarcastic way. Jessica: whyyyy what did I do! Elijah: Man I hate School... HATE IT!!! Bryson: Wanna know who I do hate. Anthony and Peyton. Jessica: Because of that long pause thing? Bryson: Yesss, but thats not the point in this situwaytion! Raymond: True! Y'uree: True to that.

45 mins later. Peyton: Will class, hehe I sound so stupid right now but anyway we have 45 pages in our reading book to read, oh my bad... chapters! Anthony: Really? Bryson: She just said we have 45 chapters to read! Were you even listening?! Anthony: I was NOT TA- Peyton: Uh hmmm? Anthony: What...ever. Peyton: Okay guys enough of the mouth moving and more of the reading!!! Jessica: Will my book is tore in the middle section! Peyton: Gasp!!!! Fine I'll fix it! You big cry baby. Jessica: Thanks?

All the kids came in late about around 10:10 a.m. Kingston: Help! Navaya: Shush! Hey guys we're just reviewing things since you know were in "school", and Peyton is still in charge! Ysabella: Wait why is she in charge? David: Will in contrast Mrs.Lewis and Ms.Sumrall have not returned from their so-one calls it "Vacation" so they put Peyton in charge of us since their is no substitute! Janiah: That sounds soooo stupid! David: Will do you know a substitute? Janiah: No! David: Well then.

Kenya B. You

25 minutes ago. Jacob , Nariyah, Dallas, Isaiah ,Dylan , E'Mya, Kimbriel were LATE aswell as the TARDYS. Jacob: Dang to dang! Nariyah: Totally not funny peyt. not funny! Dallas: Yeah...yeah...yeah! Isaiah: Guys stop! Dylan: What now your on her SIDE? Traitor! E'mya: He has a point Isaiah! Kimbriel: Hahahahaahahahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahaahah. sureeee doe. To be contienuded