Newest Lot Jokes - Page 12 - Worst Jokes Ever

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

this is a lot like anal sex

you always miss 100% of shots if you take it

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told me friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him too. Confused my friend asked me what it was. I told him "The Sandyhook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

knock knock, who's there, olive, olive who, olive you a lot!

I have a lot of eggculaint egg puns, get the yolk... oh come on don’t be hard boiled

So my friends birthday is in a couple of day's, and I was wondering what to get him. He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers'

Women are like rolls of toilet paper they are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot and they deal with a lot of s##t.

three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate cause it's lunch time the guys ask the man to do a favor and he says sorry guys I have a lot on my plate!

Bosses are like seagulls. They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.

why did the fridge have lots of friends?

Cause it was COOL

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner." The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus. The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz. The third lady says, "I never had a husband." The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo." They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying. The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse." "How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter, he approaches her and says "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion but I was curious to know if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady smiles and says "That's a lot of money, of course I would." The doctor smiles and says "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady says "What are you joking? That's no money at all, Of course I wouldn't, what do you think I am?" The Doctor smiles again and says "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

School is a lot like boot camp, the only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at

Solve this equation: a gay boy+a whole lots a drugs

A hyped up f'ing machine

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guys says "Well I've always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says "Well I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"