Longing jokes
The poop on the bus goes poopoopoopoo AHHHH! All day long.
Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Gwen I set out some chats for us just got to pr!
Btw I can't chat because I lost my internet stuff, so I am using my school computer. I don't have long, but I will make sure to have some time 4 u.
It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely... So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"
Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."
What kind of shirts does Sally's parents get her?
Long sleeves.
Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.
What's long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.
Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.
The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."
Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."