What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses, she missed very much.
She told her “Hey, long time no see.”
if it is some-ones birthday say this for a joke a long time ago in a far away galaxy
YOU WERE BORN!!!
Me and my mom order Chinese food. My mom grab the egg roll, and start licking it up and down, and sucking on it in from of the Chinese delivery. I said why are you doing that for. Then my mom I love him a long time so we don’t have to pay for the food.
I awoke in the middle of the night, to the sound of a thunderous pounding noise. The house was literally three rooms small so i could pinpoint the sound fairly easy, It was coming from Johns room, it was then i realized that Lewis and Kian were gone, it was then i noticed the huge hole in the wall which was sticky to the touch. I put my eye to hole to take a peek, it was met by a chode with ginger pubes, i recoiled instantly. I tried to make a run for it to make it downstairs i then remembered there was no downstairs. I made it to the hallway to find my escape blocked by no other than john with kian at his flank. He whispered “Its ok Oliver Hebden-Smith, your safe now” Kian proceeded to advance on my position i ducked and rolled to evade his grasp, his wart and spot covered hands brushing my skin. Kian fell over after running towards me and had an asthma attack. John was still in my way he looked almost angry now. “YOU KINKY SHIT” he bellowed. Out of nowhere i felt arms around me i turned to discover it was Mr Murphy. I broke from Mr Murphy’s grasp to make it the the front door. As i made my way to escape I ran into my worst nightmare, the door flung open and standing there in all their glory was Kians two fat lesbo neighbours. They charged at me trying to take me down. I could hear her neck snap as i drop kicked the first one. I then disposed of the blind one by triple power bombing her. With them out of the equation i dashed to the door. John was too fast and swiftly made it to the door , the locked it with key then shoved it up Lewis’s butchin. John looked pissed now. John lunges at me. Suffocating me in his vice like grip. He carried me to his room while he chanted “Your safe now”. Borthwick poked his head out and said “nice of you to join us” i said croakly “f... off borthwick look at your trim.” Borthwick then looked at the ground sadly and lonely and left Kian’s. Sadly my fate did not end the same as John chained me up in his room. While in johns room i could hear the distant screams of the children he must be keeping below, by the sounds of it they were infants. “Oh im gonna punish you boy” John said as he brushed his foreskin against my chest. He then walked away and asked me … “ye want some crisps”. He came back with 4 packets of cheese and onion and shoved each individual crisp either up my arse or down my japs eye. While i was recovering from this severe pain he continously rubbed his bellend on my nostril. He then took my off the wall and tied me to the table. He then trimmed his toenails and threw the clippings at me. I was disgusted beyond belief and had been crying for a long time. Then a last hope appeared, i got a phone call from Jimbo Simpson i answered and screamed for help. Jimbo came charging like a bull within seconds braking down the door. I gave my battle cry “Sticky to the touch” so jimbo could instantly locate me. He took down john and devoured in one bite. He threw me out the window. I had finally escaped.