Long life jokes

A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.

He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.

Long live the quee—Oh wait...

There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

A father tells his 10-year-old son...

"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."

His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

Life's too short to want it.

It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.

People say that life is short.

I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.

I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.