Lighter jokes
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.
Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.
You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.