it's jokes

I did a walk today, but it was good for Tyler. I was just trying to have a good time to sleep good. I got yyy night and a night.

What time is it when you get home, and you can walk, walk home and walk, walk home from?

What time is it when you get home and you can walk, walk? Eeeeeew!

What is the oldest animal in the world?

A zebra—it is black and white.

What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?

I yam.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?

It doesn't know jack.

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

There was a man who had just moved from a foreign country. He just moved into his apartment and was watching his favorite TV shows. The first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!"

There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him, "Sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. The man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." The cop said, "Sir, what did you use?" and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives." After that, the cop said, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" The screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

When he died, the Angel came back for him.

"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.

Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.

Why wasn’t the moon hungry?

Because it was full!

I had to get my dog. Is it a tree? Was your time and I had fun today after dinner. I had...

What time is it when you stand on a pile of money in the bank?

High interest!

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home, and walk walk home from school today? And...

What time is it when you get home?

What hype is this place out? Is it for the night? You cannot say what is a great night. I have a good night.

Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.