IT jokes
What time is it when you get home?
What hype is this place out? Is it for the night? You cannot say what is a great night. I have a good night.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
Your butt's so big you can slap it and ride the waves.
What time is it when you get home and you can't walk?
I had a good night, and I love it when you get a good walk and you get to.
What time is it when you can walk home from school today and walk?
I did a walk today, but it was good for me and my car. And a walk today.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He read the weather forecast, you fucking idiot!
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.
Q: What did the butt say to the face?
A: It farted!
What time is it?
What time is it when you can drive home from phone?
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.