Insult jokes

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

My girlfriend called me pedophile today.

Big word for a 12-year-old.

Yo, you have the biggest Oliver brain, which means you are the dumbest boy ever.

You're really special.

But the R in special is silent.

"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

Bro, you can't be talking. You built like Barney the dinosaur. Barney is a dinosaur with dinosaur sensation.

Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.

Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.

You really put the R in special.

Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.