Instead jokes

Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

All Mia needs to destroy the evil young girl in Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, was using a pedophile instead of serum.

Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.