Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
Who is the king of Reddit?
Sam Ryan.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definately not an accident.
I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it's family?
A self-fie.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted somebody to call daddy
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
John
How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.
Yes, this joke is stolen.
What do you get when you put a clown, a peodophile, a gay wet person?
Answer: YOUR DAD
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
Andrew drew a picture of Andrew.
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
