An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."
Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.
Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?
Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.
Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?
Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.
LOL xD
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
My name is Gunter.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.
I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
I wish I could kill my family, but you realize you're an orphan.
