Home jokes
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!
UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!
Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!
Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."
Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because there is no home plate.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons.
The makers were orphans.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't find home.
Orphans: Where are my parents?
Random person: In the bed.
Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"
The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"
What's something an orphan likes but doesn't have?
A family.
What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?
A snake has a home to go to underground.