Home jokes
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
Why am I so successful?
When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
Friend: Hey, wanna race home?
Orphan: What home?
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.
Why couldn’t the orphan find home?
Didn’t have eyes.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
What type of cake can orphans not have?
Homemade.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.