Home jokes
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.
The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
Online arguments be like:
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.
Why do all orphans have iPhone 10-12?
They don't have a home button.
If bedbugs live in beds, where do cockroaches live?
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
Why couldn’t the kid play baseball? Because he couldn’t find home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Where did a chicken orphan go?
A foster home.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"