A man who drinks a lot is told by his that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him. Later the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no.' He says to his friend' if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Dont worry' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no' the man says producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'Whats the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted? Nothing.. wife couldn’t tell.
Why do orphans play minecraft because they have a home
Kids when they meet kid out of home alone be like: “at least your mom came back”
Me:dad my phone is broken Dad:how Me:i clicked the home button but im still at school Dad:stupid
Why did the orphan join the baseball team? Because he knew when he got to third base he could head home
why does an orphan like home base because he doesnt have one
When I hit a home run I finally felt what it was like to have a home.
why do all orphans have iPhone 10-12? they don't have a home button
Why can’t Orphans win trophy’s because they can’t take them home
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas, I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
An orphan once said i will call my mum and go home A homeless kid once said he will go home
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the home page.
Why didn't the orphan go to orphanage? He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
Me calling the orphan kid from school: hello are your parents home? The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* STOP CALLING HERE
why did the orphan cry when he got back home
because he did not have one
Why do orphans suck at web design? They don’t know what a home page is.
I like Christmas. It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys. :) yaaaaay 😁
