My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)
HI Jokes
I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.
How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:
1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝
These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.
Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.
Everyone else in the office: 😱
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal? His left shoulder.
Why do orphans hate family-size candy?
Because they can't share it with their family.
If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
Why did the kid cry?
His dad didn't get the milk.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
Hi stone, I'm watching.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
What does a Chinese guy say to his lover? “You’re the ying to my yang!”
