HI jokes

Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.

"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"

Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?

A: He believes in the second cumming.

My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!

Hi, I like food.

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

Why did the orphan kill himself?

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

"Johnny, why wave?"

"Hi, Goo!"

The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? His left shoulder.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite robot? Him as his shoulder/wheelchair.

Eminem: "He don't even know his own father." Orphans: Dang, wish I could listen to that. Eminem: At least you have a rap God to call father.

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.