For his sake, I hope that heaven is wheelchair accessible...
HI Jokes
Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?
Me: He could feel it in his bones.
Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!
Heheh ;3
Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"
If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?
Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
*Chatting with a stranger on the internet*
Me: Hi, how are you?
A stranger: I'm fine, hbu?
Me: I'm good. 🤷♂️
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his 4G ran out!
Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.
"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.
What did the glove say to his girlfriend?
I glove you!
Hi, I like food.
What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?
"Need help packing your shit?"
One day a son and his grandad were smoking.
Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)
Why did the orphan kill himself?
