HI jokes

His name is "Daddy!" HELP!

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?

Stephen Hawking died because his screw fell out.

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

How do you make an orphan clap until his hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom, but then he realizes it's air.

Stephen Hawking's best subjects were Physics and Maths. His worst was P.E.

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?

His internet connection ran out.

When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...

If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.

Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.

When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.

White 40 year olds love little white kids, and so does Trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

What did the magician do as a trick in his show?

Make your doubts about magic... DISAPPEAR!