A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
It's the Olympics.
Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.
Hi Jake!
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
Copy and paste in your search bar to see watersharky's worst picture on HIS OWN DOCS.
So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.
A dog found a bone. Then he was walking happily across the street, and he saw a bridge. He decided to walk on the bridge. He saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. Then he barked at him, and the bone fell in the river. The dog said, "What a fool I have been," and walked away.
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Gwen, hi, this is well, I am not saying, are you a girl? I thought you were a girl, but I could be wrong.
What can a physically handicapped ♿ gay man 👬 do on his own very well 👏 without being taught how to do?
Perform fellatio on gay men.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
A basketball player walks into a strip club:
"Hi, I heard I could bounce some balls here?"
An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"
Hi, I'm the wicked wiener!!!
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
Hi Manuel.
