HI jokes

My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

How does Hitler tie his shoes?

Into little Nazis.

Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?

What would you call a cover for your cock?

Zion is so fat that his dick can't even fit in his wife's pussy.

Hi, my name isn't Pi.

Look up at the sky and wonder why.

Why are you alive?

Bob: Siri, call 666!

*dialing noises*

Bob: Hello?

Bob's dad: Hi!

Hi, you guys don't know me, but I have my best interests at heart.

I'm a kind person who wants to put a stop to the bullying. I think that Gwen, Addison Banks, Watersharky, ect. are kind people! Also, I kinda like Watersharky...

Hi, I'm Bob.

Why did the man cross the road?

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!

"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."

"Did I do that?"

My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁

In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...

Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.

Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.

In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."

Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...

What did the trumpet say to Trump?

"Hi, fellow trumpet!"

Why did the man fall off his bike?

Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.

Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.

His face.

VOTING SEMIFINAL 2

LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke.

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

That doesn't matter, we need to get the best joker to go back to posting here, he was funny but now people say they are him and ruin his good name, he was the top of the charts for over a year, so screw all these chumps! Bring back THE REAL SPECIAL!!!

Also, the chicken dies in the end, ha ha, funny, whatever.