Hes jokes

Why was Michael Jackson fired as a guitar teacher?

Because he fingered a minor.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.

How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?

4!

One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"

His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.

When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot.

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"

Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.

I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

Why was Michael Jackson at Kmart?

He heard they had little boys' pants 1/2 off.

What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?

He became spotless!!!

What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?

"I C D K"

You know what I see?

DICK

🤔 🤔 🤔 Why did a ♿ why did a physically handicapped 👨 gay man that is a sex worker received $35.00 for a blowjob from gay men in the LGBT community? because he can suck the chrome of a tail pipe 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."

One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"