Heaven jokes
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
He couldn't take the stairway to heaven; he had to take the lift.
Who here plays blox fruits?
Joke time!
Now, Heaven or Hell?
Heaven: we got clouds.
Hell: we got a frickin' private yacht!
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairs to heaven.
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
Stephen Hawking trying to climb the stairway to heaven.
What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
Hell hates freezers, England, and soccer.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
For his sake, I hope that heaven is wheelchair accessible...
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
All the Muslims are pissed off because 24 hours after Chuck Norris went to heaven there were no more virgins left.
3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.
The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂