Have jokes
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?
Criminals are wanted.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Hi Leyla, I have been trying to reach you for a while. Where have you been? I was wondering if you wanted to chat.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
Why do orphans have cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
Why did 10 have trauma?
Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
Every good joke has its delivery, except abortion jokes, because they have none.
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."