The fuck am I even doing here.
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer;)
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
WHAT HAPPEND WHEN A HAMMER PUNISHED THE NAIL
HE HIT HIM
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
