GUI Jokes

You guys are literally mentally ill. You should get some help. This is so disgusting, ew!

Hey guys, I have a question.

Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?

Your mama has slept with so many guys, she's starting to look like one.

Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

im that girl

A minion standing in front of a text that reads: Here's to the girls: To the girls who don't wake up with perfect hair. Who don't mind eating a Big Mac instead of a salad. Who don't wear 50 pounds of makeup. Who'd rather spend the day in sweatpants than skinny jeans. Who love the comfort of T-shirts. Who don't get all the guys. Who's not "popular" but feels like it when they're with their friends. Who stick to sneakers instead of heels. Who aren't way. Who don't get everything they want. Who doesn't need a guy to tell them that they are beautiful.

What did the Chinese guy say to the Italian guy?

同性恋球蜥蜴 (translate it)

Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?

Random guy: Why?

Me: Because you look like a whale.

Hey woah man, and Alya how are you guys? Oh and hbu jk master? How is life right now? Is it hard? You wanna talk?

Guys, I have a dilemma. I'm a beta, please help!

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

Poor guy really needs some space.

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show? Family Guy.

Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."