Greediness jokes

Down syndrome kid: Stop being greedy with the Legos! Me: Stop being greedy with the chromosomes!

I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.

So, Biden, Zelensky, and Putin are on a plane, and the plane loses altitude and goes down, but there are 2 parachutes. Putin takes the first one and jumps because he is a greedy twat. So he jumps, but then Biden says, "You go, Zelensky. I am much older than you, and it is ok for me to die." So Zelensky takes the second one and jumps, but when he did, the plane regains altitude, and Biden got to Washington, DC, all fine. They found out the reason was Zelensky's steel balls.

Me: Mom, I'm tired.

Mom: "Then go to sleep."

Me: No, you don't understand-

I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!

You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?

Having to wait your turn.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?