Okay, so I ate an apple and it tasted good.
Jesus is great because Jesus is good. Amen.
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?
Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.
Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?
Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!
Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.
Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?
Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......
why are americans such good chess players?
because they lost 2 towers.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
Arent I beary good
What is the difference between a human being in the car with the snow and a tree and a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home ๐ was your name on it haha ๐ day a day I was thinking of a good
What is a good night sleep and what do I have for you walk home from home and walk walk home and get a good night and night sleep good day today and walk home and walk walk home and take care and walk walk home ๐ was good fun night night I had dinner ๐ฝ night night love ๐
You wanna know what i have in common with a apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree
Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?
Everybody knows nothing.
Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?
Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.
Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*
Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*
A question: When is (my name) happy?
Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*
Answer: Never, only a portion.
Friend: Do you need help?
Why don't booties make good drummers?
They can't keep a beat without making a FART NOISE.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
I made this one up myself just now.
Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.
Read the name.
Joke: It felt good going through those Twin Towers!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he was good at SERVING RHYMES
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
