Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?
Alexander the Grape.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
What fruit is square and green? A lemon in disguise.
Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."
what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
why did the orange stop? because it ran out of juice
Orange: Hey.
Pear: Hey.
Orange: No hay!
Me: Hey, apple.
Apple: What?
Me: Knife.
Apple: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
What did the big tree say to the little one? Grow a pear!
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Orange you glad I didn't say apple again?
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
