Find

Find jokes

Spanish

    • Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

    Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

    Find memes

    Memory

    • Watersharky Music Productions Presents Memories by Conan Gray.

    One, two

    It's been a couple months That's just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while It's late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it's pouring I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance You just wanna talk and I can't turn away a wet dog But please don't ruin this for me Please don't make it harder than it already is I'm trying to get over this I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Now I can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning Over and over again I promise that the ending always stays the same So there's no good reason in make believing that we could ever exist again I can't be your friend, can't be your lover Can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love With somebody other than me I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Since you came I guess I'll let you stay For as long as it takes To grab your books and your coat And that one good cologne That you bought when we were fighting 'Cause it's still on my clothes, everything that I own And it makes me feel like dying I was barely just surviving I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories.

    Hell

    • A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

    Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

    Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

    Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

    Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

    Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

    Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

    Demon: "You a smoker?"

    Guy: "You better believe it."

    Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

    Guy: "Golly."

    Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

    Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

    Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

    Guy: "Wow."

    Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

    Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

    Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

    Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

    Demon: "You gay?"

    Guy: "Uh, no."

    Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

  • 3

    • Equation

    • I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

    He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

  • 1

    • Load

    • You are shore to find loads of jokes funny even if I can’t kelp you find the right ones.

    Loads of jokes are funny as I’m shore you shall sea.

  • 1

    • Episode

    • I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.

  • 5

    • Suicide

    • A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

  • 0