To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
What’s the rarest gun to find in Africa?
A water gun...
Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
What store can an orphan never find?
Home Depot.
What’s the easiest way for parents to find out if their child is gay Look in the closet
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
You should go soul searching. Maybe you'll find one.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
