I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive...
I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the the dash.
I wasn't staring at you I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long You wait to smash, for me and my girlfriend it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling
After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter.... ... from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggest Trump to ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary: Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down.
You: Finds a time clock that can change time
Your friend the next day: Hey, can borrow yo' house
You: No I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again
Ur forehead’s so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.
Stephan Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills He just couldn’t figure out who
I couldn’t figure out why the football kept getting bigger...then it hit me
There was once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off while the other one was always happy. This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine and you left me in here all night so I'm angry!" His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was litterally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap their has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter. Apparently when the helicopter caught fire Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it”
few jokes (sorry if they have already been used.) 1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall. 3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks. 4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans. 5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course! 6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here." 7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler. 8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights
I know this girl Kamelah she say what are you looking at I said I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline
Hey, I’m George and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.
Go into someone’s search history, And find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.
Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans-