Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?
Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.
Mom: Excuse me?
Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
What is an Orphans favorite toy
Answer: a boomerang cause it is the only thing that comes back to them
What do orphans and TVs have in common?
At least one of them has a home.
I think my dad loves jokes.
Because he laughs when he looks at me.
"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
this is a true fact, the letter 'F' in orphan stands for family?
Why don't orphans need parent approval for their wedding?
Because they never came home.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.
Orphans: YAY!
5 minutes later...
Orphans: Wait... where's the...
Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*
Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe
Orphans are stupid, am I right? Hehehehehehehehehehehe.
