Did you know that the F in orphan means family?
There's no F in orphan?
Exactly.
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
Your mom!
"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.
When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?
Because they want to feel wanted.
You know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help!
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
What movie do all orphans find relatable?
Spiderman: No Way Home.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?
There’s no way home.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
