Family jokes

You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

Does a midget count as an orphan?

Why can't orphans walk through doors?

Because they don't have a house to walk into.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.

It’s like I always tell my kids:

"Two in the pink, one in the stink."

Why can't orphans be home schooled?

Because they have no parent to home school them.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.

My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

What do Orphans say on Father's Day?

Well, not "Happy Father's Day."

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”