Family jokes
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
It’s like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
Why can't orphans be home schooled?
Because they have no parent to home school them.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
Your kid's so ugly he would make a Happy Meal cry.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.
He was fired from his job.