Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
What do Chinese parents hate the most?
A new born daughter...
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
