Family jokes
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?
Shut up and comb your face.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
Why did the orphans have in common? They both don't have parents.
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
What did Sophie Brussaux's baby get every week?
A face full of sperm.
I called an orphan's house, saying: "Are your parents home yet?"
He started crying.
Why do orphans hate playing baseball?
'Cause they can't get a home run.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.
What thing can an orphan do best?
Stay at home alone.
It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.
L
Why can’t orphans go to a field trip?
Parent signature: _________
Why can’t orphans go to a field trip?
Parent signature: __________
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny.
“Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad.
“Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny, and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother shit in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad fucking his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is fucking the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"
Why can orphans have a phone? Because they can find the home button.