My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
Family Jokes
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
Why can't orphans have an iPhone?
'Cause they can't find the home button.
Q: Why is it good being an orphan?
A: Because the family sized bag is all there's.
Uder the sheets.
Under the sheeeets. Me and your mother making your brother.
Under the sheets. Do do do do dododoodoooddododoodo.
SEX KIDS FUCKING VIRGINS
What do orphans and blind kids have in common: They both can't see their parents.
So I told an orphan if her mom is hot, he wouldn't stop crying.
Why does an orphan hate the internet?
Because he's always on the homepage.
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Like this if you are in foster care.
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually came back.
Your mom was born in a dumpster, as well as you.
Why do orphans hate any milk?
Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"
Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"
Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"
Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa said, "Yes."
Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"
Peter: Curses!
Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Peter: *Crying*
Jacob: Why are you crying?
Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*
