So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.
So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”
If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Eminem: "He don't even know his own father." Orphans: Dang, wish I could listen to that. Eminem: At least you have a rap God to call father.
Kid: I forgot to flush the toilet, sorry I just forgot.
Adult: Just like your parents forgot YOU 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hey girl, are you an orphan?
Oh, that’s right, I’m your daddy.
Why go across town when you can go across the hall?
Why did the cops come over?
Because parents had kids in their basement.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To finally call someone father. 😂😂
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
Oh brother.
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
Your hairline's less straight than my dad's.
Why do orphans commit crimes?
It’s the only time they’re ever wanted.
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
I once gave birth to 3 children.
